Wishing To Want To…

Years ago, I mentored a young man who told he we needed to lose weight. I agreed to help him with that, and we came up with a strategy to help him reach his goal. For weeks afterwards, each time we met, he explained why he had not started doing the things we agreed would be useful to help him with his goal.

A few months later, I finally said something to him like, "You really don't want to lose weight. You just want the benefits of having lost weight. You only wish you wanted to lose weight"

As I thought about myself, I realized that his attitude toward weight loss was just like my attitude toward physical fitness. I wanted the benefits, but really didn't want to go through the steps to reap them. Even when I was in several seasons of my life where I was running twenty to thirty miles a week, it was never something I enjoyed. Weight training has never seemed like something I could bring myself to do consistently. I reached an epiphany talking to this young man about it.

I confessed, "I understand how you feel. I wish I wanted to work out, but I just really don't…"

I realized at that moment that wishing to want to do something was common. Some people wish that they wanted to study. Others wish that they wanted to do volunteer work. Some wish that they wanted to—as that young man did—lose weight. People wish they wanted to find a new job. Wishing to want to is everywhere, in every aspect of life.

How people respond to those things they know the should or ought-to do often marks the difference between if they continue to advance in an area or if they stagnate. If passing a course of study is needed to get a promotion… If losing weight is needed to be an active member of a friend group… If cutting back spending is needed…

The difference between thriving and getting by is often realized by facing the undesirable aspects of life head on. Pushing past only wishing to want to and simply doing what needs to be done is, in many cases, the difference between success and failure.

As we mature and develop, we learn to do many things that we need to do, whether we want to or not. Realizing that you only wish you wanted to do something is the first step in resigning yourself to actually doing it. When you finally realize that you will never happily take on a task, it becomes easier to simply decide to, enjoyable or not, do it. Mature people will simple decide to do it and take the necessary steps. They will give in to the ought-tos and shoulds that they decide are worth pursuing and make incorporate them into their lives.

Hitting the Spots: Control is the Key

Control type things... Stick with me on this one...

I was driving between places earlier today, and paused to take a picture of a gas meter and a fire valve on the back of a building. I liked the image and wanted to caption it with something potentially inspiring for Instagram, and I came up with the idea of control.

Success in life is, in many ways, dependent on control. Controlling your finances. Controlling your thoughts. Your feelings. Controlling your words. Controlling your diet. Controlling your prejudices. A life lacking self-discipline is risky!

While Chicagoland and Northwest Indiana are experiencing weather such that temperatures hitting a high near 30° Fahrenheit means a warm-up of over 40°--weather that naturally makes one think of hockey, the idea of control reminded me of baseball. Of pitching, to be more precise.

In pitching, control is everything. It doesn't matter how hard you can throw or how much your breaking ball moves, if you can't control it, you won't be successful. If you don't throw strikes--if you can't "hit the spots," your pitches won't matter. Life is like this, too.

Living recklessly, without discipline, without mature decision making--living out of control makes being successful (however defined) highly unlikely. No matter "how hard you can throw," if your life is out of control, then the results of your efforts will be uncertain. Control is as important in life as it is in pitching.

Your talents and skills need to be used in ways that line up with your values and goals. Your actions need to be kept in line with your moral compass. Spending needs to be guided by controlled decisions. Your thoughts need to be deliberately focused on reality and the things that move you in the direction of success, however you define it. Diet and exercise need to be engaged thoughtfully and healthfully. You need to find balance in all things and discipline yourself to stay in control.

My oldest son played baseball as a youth at a fairly competitive level. For a while, he took pitching lessons, and one fall and winter, his instructor was a soon-to-be major league pitcher. In one of his lessons, he was told that pitchers spend hours and hours in spring training just raising their leg and finding a balance point. Striking balance at the beginning of the wind-up starts the process of being in control of the whole body throughout the pitching motion, and that control ultimately leads to being able to control the pitch.

Balance is vital to life. Finding that starting point and maintaining control is vital to success.

Your life is the pitch and you are the pitcher. Crazy, no?

Control can be achieved, but a lot of times it is great to have help. Spring training prepares pitchers and gives them the physical skills and techniques so that they can maximize the use of their talents. In life, we have people who can come along side us and share life with us to help us maximize the use of our talents as well. Developing control is

Put into your life the control type things (habits, practices, friends, accountability partners, etc.) that will help you manage your life!

Don't Over-do and Don't Settle

In a Tweet that I scheduled* for earlier today (@BillSnodgrass), I claimed the following:

The world's standards are a lie--either unrealistically too high, or too low, accepting anything as a "good try." Seek truth!

Think about it...

The world wants us to think we all must look like the models we see in magazines and on television-- with the tight stomachs, or "six packs," with perfect hair, white teeth, and clear skin. Guys have to be ripped and girls need to curve in all the right ways. Bulges are for muscles only.

The world wants us in the nicest cars, fine homes, and expensive clothes. No one will accept us if we come up short!

The world wants us to smile and be happy. All the time. We must be perfect on the job, rarely making a mistake.

Media all around us demands that we reach these standards, or else we are failures! And advertisers are sure to remind us of this!

On the other hand, trends in society of accepting anything also abound. I have heard stories of teachers and coaches who were required to give EVERY member of their team or class a trophy or an award so no one would feel left out. EVERY level of performance was rewarded.

Society and media allow--even suggest that it is normal for men to be poor husbands or ill-equipped fathers because "that's just how men are." Women get, likewise, to be moody or irresponsible with money. We are told to accept substandard conduct, never judging it inferior or demanding improvement.

"Accept him for what he is," some will urge with regards to someone who consistently makes life difficult for others. "That's just his way."

Neither the unrealistically high, nor the anything-goes standards are right.

There is a better way. Look to sources of wisdom--time tested teachings, principles, and thoughts--and you will find that neither demanding perfection nor allowing blatant underperformance is acceptable. Unrealistically high or dismally low standards are not good for the person nor for society.

Set standards that make sense. Be healthy, but don't worry if you won't win a body-building contest. Try to have reliable, functional goods and safe homes, but don't worry if you can't drive a $75,000 car and live in a million dollar mansion. Learn to share life nicely with others and don't excuse yourself for things you haven't bothered learning to do. Learn to attend to others with honor and respect and don't let your natural, selfish nature hold you back.

Standards should be realistic. High standard arguably lead to a better quality of life. Fit is better than unfit. A car that works properly is better than one that won't start. Tattered clothes are usually a bummer.  But the media ideal is created by our lustful eyes and by other people's desire to SELL STUFF to us.

Accepting others is nice, but don't accept their bad habits without trying to help them overcome them to live better. Urge them to reach a reasonable standard of performance, whether it is in how they keep house or how they perform at work.

Neither set standards too high nor too low.

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*I also scheduled this blog to post in advance, too. I wrote both the tweet and the blog some time ago!

But Then, Just Quit

If you follow @BillSnodgrass on Twitter, you know that I share quotes from others that seem relevant to better living and wholeness. Sometimes, however, Twitter just does not allow enough words (characters!) to fully explore an idea.

Such is the case with the following Tweet:

@Inspire_Us: To be successful, you must decide exactly what you want to accomplish, then resolve to pay the price to get it.

In general, provided a certain stipulation is met, that is great wisdom. Wanting something--really wanting it--is a vital step to obtaining it. Then we have to pay the price to get it done. We have to be willing to change what we do, prioritize our time, cut out incompatible other things; we have to do whatever it takes to reach the goal we have set.  Wishing that we want something is not enough--we really have to want it and do what it takes if we are to succeed.

Except...

The goal has to be realistic. Some things we want are just impossible.  If I want to flap my arms and fly, it doesn't matter how much I work, what price I pay... Wanting to flap my arms and fly is just not going to lead to success.

Some things we want are outside our control. No matter our effort and sacrifice, those things won't be accomplished, unless somehow we can bring them into our control.

Wanting things for other people is particularly outside our control. At best, we can create the circumstances where the other person is most likely to choose the outcome we wish for, but at the end of the day, it is the other person who will decide what action is taken.

Sometimes, we have to try several things--explore various options--until we find the goal to which our skills (spiritual gifts), interests (heart), aptitudes, passions, and experiences* are best suited. Consider the well-know account of Abraham Lincoln's string of failures prior to his success in politics.

The authors of @Inpire_Us had earlier offered another quote I also considered sharing:

@Inspire_Us: If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a...fool about it. - W.C.Fields.

Sometimes, we need to know when to cut our losses and move on. It does not mean WE are a failure. It just means that we set our sites on the wrong goal.

Onward and upward!
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*See http://www.amazon.com/S-H-A-P-E-Finding-Fulfilling-Unique-Purpose/dp/0310292484/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383923154&sr=8-1&keywords=shape 

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Dump It! You CAN Let Some Things Go!

I was talking to a friend the other day about overcoming past issues. The remark was made that sorting out everything and getting things in order was hard. My response led me to a tweet:

@BillSnodgrass: Sometimes, you just have to dump your box out so you can sort out your mess. 

#LiveBetter

Why do we cling to things we need to let go? We keep them in our life-boxes, cluttering up everything and limiting our options? We hold on to useless (or harmful) habits, harsh words said by unloving others, negative attitudes, impossible expectations (often imposed by critical others)... We cling to old, no longer applicable, ways of doing things as if they still have a chance of leading to some desired outcome. Why do we do this? Why do we carry all these things around in our life-boxes endlessly?

Perhaps it is easier to just keep going and keep carrying things with us? There is some comfort in the familiar, even if the familiar keeps us from experiencing a better, smarter, healthier way of living. We plod on, unchanged by the changing world around us, unaffected by the new reality of our life, doing what we have always done, believing what we have always believed. We fill our life-box with junk crowding out what could be good and healthy alternatives!

Yet at some point, our life-box is so full, so cluttered, we are hindered from growing and becoming the person we are meant to be. We are stuck with what was, what has been, dragging the weight of the past as we try to soar into the future. We need to stop. We need to look at the contents of our life-box, keeping the good, the adaptive, the functional, the healthy and we MUST reject all the dead, pointless, hurtful rest.

Dumping out the box is messy, hard, and sometimes painful, but... Well, sometimes we need to do it.

Get On With It

There is a fine line between being patient and being passive. I recently retweeted the following:

From @ThisInspiresUs: They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol

#LiveBetter #change

There is an interesting truth to this quote. Indeed, time does change things--not in and of its own accord. Change comes about because, as time passes, people are taking actions. Depending on the actions taken, things will change one way or another.  The more like the past that new actions might be, the less things will change. The more radically different new actions might be, the more things will change. It is not time alone that brings about change. Change comes as a result of changes made by people compounded over time.

Sitting back passively waiting for time to change things is ineffective. Surely, some things change slowly. Being patient while waiting for effort and actions to pay off is fine, but to fail to participate in bringing about change simply does not. Change will (or might) occur with time because others are directing it. In such a case, the outcome will be determined by the effort of someone else. The passive person will have no influence on what the new circumstances will look like. Their hope to see changes they desire will be squashed by the desires of someone else. To realize desired change, then, means not being passive.

The trick to bringing about desired change is to know what one wants and to work toward that. I cannot understate how important it is to "know what one wants"! Change to a vague, undefined image of something is frustrating at best, if not totally fruitless. Know what the desired change looks like, then get on with the work of bringing about that change.

There are two sides to such work. One side is like painting a picture. When you know what the desired outcome looks like, start adding things to the canvas that fits. For example, if people seek to change the dynamic of a relationship to something more fulfilling, then they need to add to the routine things that are part of a fulfilling relationship!

The other side to the work of change is like sculpture. Once the desired outcome is identified, chip away everything that does not fit.  Take away everything that does not look like, for instance, healthy eating, and what is left will be--well healthy eating.

Change, then, comes from the sum of the two processes--adding in things that fit the desired outcome and taking away anything that does not.

When a people take on the task of changing, they cannot sit back passively and wait for time to act alone. They should be patient--yes--but patient only in giving time to their efforts at making change for themselves.

Rich Is As Rich Thinks

Too many times, it seems to me, people tie the idea of being happy with the aquisition of stuff. This is unfortunate because so rarely does stuff actually bring about lasting satisfaction.

From ‏@lNSPlRING: There are two ways of being rich. One is to have what you want, the other is to be satisfied with what you have.

Having what you want is a tricky proposition. How many times does a person see something they want, purchase it or otherwise obtain it, and then discover that it really does not bring to their life the expected pleasures? It is very easy to over estimate how much joy something will bring. Our wants often mislead us with promisies--vapid claims that if we just have that one more thing then...

Oh, to be sure, I have acquired some things that I am very fond of! The utility and convenience some things bring contribute to my sense of happiness.

I am writting this blog on my iPad, which I resisted purchasing for a long time. When Visible Music College asked me to relocate to the Chicago area to head up the opening of a new campus, I thought the functions of an iPad would be valuable, and I was right.

Does this device make me happy? Hmm... It does not make me happy inherently. Not sitting on a desk. I am happy with what I can accomplish as a result of having this wonderful piece of technology, not just because I have it.

Therein is the key. Happiness does not come from things. Happiness comes from our mind. How we think about the things we have results in happiness--the things themselves are incapable of producing ANY emotional response within us. Our reaction comes from the ideas, values, and beliefs we hold and how those internal predispositions interact with the things in our life.

I have a couple of pictures of my sons that probably cost me less than $20.00 total to have printed and framed. When I see them, my mind is connected to years of experiences and memories. I respond positively; I am happy as a result. The happiness does not come from the "things." If another person who did not know my sons had those pictures, they would NOT respond with the same happiness.

Being satisfied is a decision. Looking at what you have and, if it realistically performs as it should, deciding to be content disempowers the lies of our wants. Deciding to be content will lead to being happy with what you have.

If we define being rich, not as a measure of how much we have, but rather as a measure of how little we want, then it is far easier to be rich by wanting what we have and being satisfied than it is to be rich by acquiring more and more stuff.

You Never Know

As I begin this reflection, I am sitting at McDonald's covered in plaster dust and other funk from the middle of the last century--everywhere except my hands, which took about five minutes of scrubbing to get off the sticky black goo that came off the wires of the light fixture I removed before I left the Visible Music College campus a few minutes ago. I am typing on my iPhone now, but will finish this blog from my computer, later. As I sit here, my thoughts have turned to how God calls on us to do the work that needs to be done, regardless of what we expect. People never know what will need to be done nor what events of the past will prepare them to do it.

I moved to the Eastern edge of Chicagoland on May 15, 2013 to head up Visible Music College's launch of a new campus. In the three months since coming here, a lot of things have happened. I have set up a new home, a very satisfactory apartment in northwest Indiana, just over the state line. I have made a special friend who brings great happiness to me. I have learned my way around between the few places I frequent on a regular basis.

However, attending to the demands of Visible's new venture has taken up most of my time and energy. (Just ask my WoW friends--they'll tell you!) Central to my work has been taking part in the renovation of the building that will become Visible-Chicago in the Village of Lansing. Arriving in May, little could be done regarding recruiting for enrollment, so focusing on the facilities naturally took center stage.

Actual renovation began the first week of July, about a month and a half after I moved up. Starting work was delayed... July saw uncounted volunteer hours poured into the Lansing facility as demolition and renovation raced along.

In the weeks that followed, I have turned to, not my seminary or graduate school studies, but to my half-century of life to take part in the rehabilitation of the campus--parts of which were built in at the end of the nineteenth century! Having owned a house in Memphis built in 1907 and another later, I have done my share of handyman projects, and almost everyone one of those projects has informed my efforts to be part of the remodel.

As I looked forward to moving to the Chicago area to take this position, I never would have guessed that my carpentry skills, refined by the building of my boys' play-fort, would be required in order to aline the building's readiness for drywall with the availability of the drywall installers. I never would have guessed rewiring that old house would develop skills that I would use in removing old (disconnected) wiring and to assist the electrician in running new circuits. How could I have known my gardening attempts would be useful?

In the course of the weeks, I have tore out walls, built walls, tore out ceilings, patched ceilings, and moved masses of debris. My Black and Decker saw bought in 1986 died, as did my Dremel that had barely been used. I have been covered in plaster dust and who knows what else. I have found chucks of not-sure-what in my eye and ruined two sets of contacts. I have relied on my iPhone for emails and Internet correspondences.  I have averaged ten hours a day for the last ten days participating in remodeling the building, sometimes working alone, sometimes with the amazing volunteers, and at times, alongside of the paid contractors. I am bruised, cut, and scrapped, and I smashed the edge of my finger with a hammer.

Yet, through it all, progress is made. People are enthusiastic and see the vision--the vision that drives me to press on and "get 'er done" starting most days at 7 a.m. and staying, some days, until the last volunteer leaves fourteen or fifteen hours later. The vision of Visible-Chicago is clear: an extension of the curriculum from the Memphis campus partnered with the Lansing community in a way that is dynamic, unique, and exciting. Visible-Chicago will be a bright spot among the revived Lansing business district.

Projects of this scope require great commitment and great people--people who are willing to take on challenges never knowing what all will be required of them. There are many. Too many to name in full, but a few that stand out. The contractor who has set aside his uncounted hours to organize and plan the work... The pastor who rallies the volunteers... The electrician who comes around after work in the evenings... The homemaker who spends hours and hours on site doing tedious detail work... The teens who take on the thankless task of sweeping up debris and carrying it to the trash.

These people never knew what would be required of them, nor how their life experiences would be used to build the Kingdom of God.

That's just the point. I never knew. They never knew. The people who are available are the ones who have to do what needs to be done. They may never know what experiences of the past will be called upon to meet the demands of a current situation.

Whatever It Takes

When we find ourselves with a clear reasonable goal before us, it would be nice if reaching the goal was simply a matter of following a prescribed, clear plan. It is wonderful when that is how things work out!

In the reality that is my life, however, rarely do things just unfold as planned. Whether in my personal life, in group computer gaming, or in conjunction with my work--most recently with Visible Music College-Chicago,  the normal course from point A to point B is impeded by the unplanned and unexpected.

People and organizations need to anticipate this and prepare. The vital step in preparation for such challenges is a mindset. Embracing an attitude of "whatever it takes" is vital for being ready to deal with unplanned challenges and difficulties.

Groups will suffer harshly if some of its members fail to adopt this approach. Antithetical points of view can stifle success. Espousing the notion that "it's not my job" will leave gaps in getting done those things that must be accomplished in order to see a project to its end or a goal to its fulfillment.

At the time I am writing this, Visible Music College-Chicago is in the process of renovating what will be our campus. In the course of this renovation, I have had to put down my graduate and seminary degrees and take up the tools of a carpenter, painter, trash remover, and many other tasks. At times, there are no volunteers around, and the hired tradesmen need certain things done in a time-sensitive manner. I have to do whatever it takes.

A friend of mine from the video game, Word of Warcraft, is in a team with me that is progressing through a series of "10-man" challenges (called raids). Though it is usually her duty on this team to play a particular role, on one challenge, we were stuck because those of us in a different role were unable to meet the needs of the encounter. This friend stepped up and changed her role--traded roles with another team member--so that we could be successful. She was willing to set aside what she did in the normal setting and was willing to do whatever it took for the team to succeed.  While she could have said, "well the problem is not because of me, and it is not my job, so too bad." But she didn't, and the team succeeded.

There is no end to the scenarios in which success depends on individuals stepping up and doing whatever it takes. The single parent doing whatever it takes to provide meaningful care for children... The athlete who puts in extra hours to hone skills... The student who foregoes social activities in order to pass difficult classes...

The road to success, even when clearly mapped in advance, is subject to surprises. When the unexpected occurs, someone (or some people) will need to embrace the "whatever it takes" attitude, or failure awaits.