Hitting the Spots: Control is the Key

Control type things... Stick with me on this one...

I was driving between places earlier today, and paused to take a picture of a gas meter and a fire valve on the back of a building. I liked the image and wanted to caption it with something potentially inspiring for Instagram, and I came up with the idea of control.

Success in life is, in many ways, dependent on control. Controlling your finances. Controlling your thoughts. Your feelings. Controlling your words. Controlling your diet. Controlling your prejudices. A life lacking self-discipline is risky!

While Chicagoland and Northwest Indiana are experiencing weather such that temperatures hitting a high near 30° Fahrenheit means a warm-up of over 40°--weather that naturally makes one think of hockey, the idea of control reminded me of baseball. Of pitching, to be more precise.

In pitching, control is everything. It doesn't matter how hard you can throw or how much your breaking ball moves, if you can't control it, you won't be successful. If you don't throw strikes--if you can't "hit the spots," your pitches won't matter. Life is like this, too.

Living recklessly, without discipline, without mature decision making--living out of control makes being successful (however defined) highly unlikely. No matter "how hard you can throw," if your life is out of control, then the results of your efforts will be uncertain. Control is as important in life as it is in pitching.

Your talents and skills need to be used in ways that line up with your values and goals. Your actions need to be kept in line with your moral compass. Spending needs to be guided by controlled decisions. Your thoughts need to be deliberately focused on reality and the things that move you in the direction of success, however you define it. Diet and exercise need to be engaged thoughtfully and healthfully. You need to find balance in all things and discipline yourself to stay in control.

My oldest son played baseball as a youth at a fairly competitive level. For a while, he took pitching lessons, and one fall and winter, his instructor was a soon-to-be major league pitcher. In one of his lessons, he was told that pitchers spend hours and hours in spring training just raising their leg and finding a balance point. Striking balance at the beginning of the wind-up starts the process of being in control of the whole body throughout the pitching motion, and that control ultimately leads to being able to control the pitch.

Balance is vital to life. Finding that starting point and maintaining control is vital to success.

Your life is the pitch and you are the pitcher. Crazy, no?

Control can be achieved, but a lot of times it is great to have help. Spring training prepares pitchers and gives them the physical skills and techniques so that they can maximize the use of their talents. In life, we have people who can come along side us and share life with us to help us maximize the use of our talents as well. Developing control is

Put into your life the control type things (habits, practices, friends, accountability partners, etc.) that will help you manage your life!

His Fan

Not long ago, some work was being done at Visible Music College--Chicago, where I serve on the staff. One day, some workers came by to load up about a half ton of old metal desks to be salvaged as scrap.

As they started the loading process, one of the two men carefully lifted a box fan out of the truck and placed it tenderly on the ground by a shovel they use in their work.

"I'm going to fix it," he said.

I don't know what was wrong with it, but $20.00 would have replaced it.

He didn't want a new fan.

"This is all I have left," he explained. He went on to describe how hard luck had fallen on him, and he was, with his work partner, trying to get by. The old fan was all he had left from his former situation. But he wasn't bitter. He accepted his part in his demise and was resigned to start anew.

His words moved me as I slipped my $700.00 (if I didn't have a contract) phone out of my pocket to take a picture.

I live in such a way that I am comfortable by ANY standards. I push my income to the limits and need nothing. I have some luxury items, of course, and justify having things like a DSLR, up-to-date tablet, and fancy screens for my computers. Yeah, that last word is plural. In contrast to the owner of the fan, I live like royalty. Most of us do. I am sure I am not the only one to be mostly blind to conditions of others around me.

Yet, despite being in a hard way, the fan's owner had not give up. He was doing what he could to start over.

His work partner's word's moved me more: "I'm trying to help him get back on his feet. It's been a hard time for him."

"Yeah, [Name Omitted] takes care of me," said the fan's owner.

But [Name Omitted] is far from living the high life. Yet, he is doing what he can to help his work partner. At $50.00 for a half-ton load, the going is slow.

Long after they left, I was haunted by my interaction with these two men. I shared this anecdote with my son, who happens to work at a salvage yard in another city.

"Dad, I see stuff like this every day. Guys coming in with $8.00 loads three times a day trying to feed their families."

But hearing my story, he added, "I won't look at customers the same after this."

These two guys--indeed, with troubles and problems, some resulting from their choices--have been on my mind in in my prayers for a few weeks. My words here come so short in painting the full picture, but I don't think blog readers would attend to many more.

I am going to take a chance and call them ([Name Omitted] has a phone for their salvage services.) and invite them to lunch, my treat. I don't know if they will accept, but I am going to ask.

Don't Over-do and Don't Settle

In a Tweet that I scheduled* for earlier today (@BillSnodgrass), I claimed the following:

The world's standards are a lie--either unrealistically too high, or too low, accepting anything as a "good try." Seek truth!

Think about it...

The world wants us to think we all must look like the models we see in magazines and on television-- with the tight stomachs, or "six packs," with perfect hair, white teeth, and clear skin. Guys have to be ripped and girls need to curve in all the right ways. Bulges are for muscles only.

The world wants us in the nicest cars, fine homes, and expensive clothes. No one will accept us if we come up short!

The world wants us to smile and be happy. All the time. We must be perfect on the job, rarely making a mistake.

Media all around us demands that we reach these standards, or else we are failures! And advertisers are sure to remind us of this!

On the other hand, trends in society of accepting anything also abound. I have heard stories of teachers and coaches who were required to give EVERY member of their team or class a trophy or an award so no one would feel left out. EVERY level of performance was rewarded.

Society and media allow--even suggest that it is normal for men to be poor husbands or ill-equipped fathers because "that's just how men are." Women get, likewise, to be moody or irresponsible with money. We are told to accept substandard conduct, never judging it inferior or demanding improvement.

"Accept him for what he is," some will urge with regards to someone who consistently makes life difficult for others. "That's just his way."

Neither the unrealistically high, nor the anything-goes standards are right.

There is a better way. Look to sources of wisdom--time tested teachings, principles, and thoughts--and you will find that neither demanding perfection nor allowing blatant underperformance is acceptable. Unrealistically high or dismally low standards are not good for the person nor for society.

Set standards that make sense. Be healthy, but don't worry if you won't win a body-building contest. Try to have reliable, functional goods and safe homes, but don't worry if you can't drive a $75,000 car and live in a million dollar mansion. Learn to share life nicely with others and don't excuse yourself for things you haven't bothered learning to do. Learn to attend to others with honor and respect and don't let your natural, selfish nature hold you back.

Standards should be realistic. High standard arguably lead to a better quality of life. Fit is better than unfit. A car that works properly is better than one that won't start. Tattered clothes are usually a bummer.  But the media ideal is created by our lustful eyes and by other people's desire to SELL STUFF to us.

Accepting others is nice, but don't accept their bad habits without trying to help them overcome them to live better. Urge them to reach a reasonable standard of performance, whether it is in how they keep house or how they perform at work.

Neither set standards too high nor too low.

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*I also scheduled this blog to post in advance, too. I wrote both the tweet and the blog some time ago!

But Then, Just Quit

If you follow @BillSnodgrass on Twitter, you know that I share quotes from others that seem relevant to better living and wholeness. Sometimes, however, Twitter just does not allow enough words (characters!) to fully explore an idea.

Such is the case with the following Tweet:

@Inspire_Us: To be successful, you must decide exactly what you want to accomplish, then resolve to pay the price to get it.

In general, provided a certain stipulation is met, that is great wisdom. Wanting something--really wanting it--is a vital step to obtaining it. Then we have to pay the price to get it done. We have to be willing to change what we do, prioritize our time, cut out incompatible other things; we have to do whatever it takes to reach the goal we have set.  Wishing that we want something is not enough--we really have to want it and do what it takes if we are to succeed.

Except...

The goal has to be realistic. Some things we want are just impossible.  If I want to flap my arms and fly, it doesn't matter how much I work, what price I pay... Wanting to flap my arms and fly is just not going to lead to success.

Some things we want are outside our control. No matter our effort and sacrifice, those things won't be accomplished, unless somehow we can bring them into our control.

Wanting things for other people is particularly outside our control. At best, we can create the circumstances where the other person is most likely to choose the outcome we wish for, but at the end of the day, it is the other person who will decide what action is taken.

Sometimes, we have to try several things--explore various options--until we find the goal to which our skills (spiritual gifts), interests (heart), aptitudes, passions, and experiences* are best suited. Consider the well-know account of Abraham Lincoln's string of failures prior to his success in politics.

The authors of @Inpire_Us had earlier offered another quote I also considered sharing:

@Inspire_Us: If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a...fool about it. - W.C.Fields.

Sometimes, we need to know when to cut our losses and move on. It does not mean WE are a failure. It just means that we set our sites on the wrong goal.

Onward and upward!
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*See http://www.amazon.com/S-H-A-P-E-Finding-Fulfilling-Unique-Purpose/dp/0310292484/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383923154&sr=8-1&keywords=shape 

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Dump It! You CAN Let Some Things Go!

I was talking to a friend the other day about overcoming past issues. The remark was made that sorting out everything and getting things in order was hard. My response led me to a tweet:

@BillSnodgrass: Sometimes, you just have to dump your box out so you can sort out your mess. 

#LiveBetter

Why do we cling to things we need to let go? We keep them in our life-boxes, cluttering up everything and limiting our options? We hold on to useless (or harmful) habits, harsh words said by unloving others, negative attitudes, impossible expectations (often imposed by critical others)... We cling to old, no longer applicable, ways of doing things as if they still have a chance of leading to some desired outcome. Why do we do this? Why do we carry all these things around in our life-boxes endlessly?

Perhaps it is easier to just keep going and keep carrying things with us? There is some comfort in the familiar, even if the familiar keeps us from experiencing a better, smarter, healthier way of living. We plod on, unchanged by the changing world around us, unaffected by the new reality of our life, doing what we have always done, believing what we have always believed. We fill our life-box with junk crowding out what could be good and healthy alternatives!

Yet at some point, our life-box is so full, so cluttered, we are hindered from growing and becoming the person we are meant to be. We are stuck with what was, what has been, dragging the weight of the past as we try to soar into the future. We need to stop. We need to look at the contents of our life-box, keeping the good, the adaptive, the functional, the healthy and we MUST reject all the dead, pointless, hurtful rest.

Dumping out the box is messy, hard, and sometimes painful, but... Well, sometimes we need to do it.

Rich Is As Rich Thinks

Too many times, it seems to me, people tie the idea of being happy with the aquisition of stuff. This is unfortunate because so rarely does stuff actually bring about lasting satisfaction.

From ‏@lNSPlRING: There are two ways of being rich. One is to have what you want, the other is to be satisfied with what you have.

Having what you want is a tricky proposition. How many times does a person see something they want, purchase it or otherwise obtain it, and then discover that it really does not bring to their life the expected pleasures? It is very easy to over estimate how much joy something will bring. Our wants often mislead us with promisies--vapid claims that if we just have that one more thing then...

Oh, to be sure, I have acquired some things that I am very fond of! The utility and convenience some things bring contribute to my sense of happiness.

I am writting this blog on my iPad, which I resisted purchasing for a long time. When Visible Music College asked me to relocate to the Chicago area to head up the opening of a new campus, I thought the functions of an iPad would be valuable, and I was right.

Does this device make me happy? Hmm... It does not make me happy inherently. Not sitting on a desk. I am happy with what I can accomplish as a result of having this wonderful piece of technology, not just because I have it.

Therein is the key. Happiness does not come from things. Happiness comes from our mind. How we think about the things we have results in happiness--the things themselves are incapable of producing ANY emotional response within us. Our reaction comes from the ideas, values, and beliefs we hold and how those internal predispositions interact with the things in our life.

I have a couple of pictures of my sons that probably cost me less than $20.00 total to have printed and framed. When I see them, my mind is connected to years of experiences and memories. I respond positively; I am happy as a result. The happiness does not come from the "things." If another person who did not know my sons had those pictures, they would NOT respond with the same happiness.

Being satisfied is a decision. Looking at what you have and, if it realistically performs as it should, deciding to be content disempowers the lies of our wants. Deciding to be content will lead to being happy with what you have.

If we define being rich, not as a measure of how much we have, but rather as a measure of how little we want, then it is far easier to be rich by wanting what we have and being satisfied than it is to be rich by acquiring more and more stuff.